Crag Day

"Happy Crag Day!" Finn said, descending from the bedroom upon awakening.

The day before, he’d expressed wanting to hike to the rock formation in a nearby preserve.

The forecast had promised perfect weather.

There were doubts about making it all the way to the top. It was a long hike for Finn and he likes to take his time.

So when he began to document the wildlife on a piece of construction paper he had folded several times to create a section for each entry, I was pretty certain we might be turning back before reaching the peak.

“When you see or hear something, you have to write it down,” he instructed each of us, like a mini forest ranger.

“Oh, look at the bird’s nest,” Erin said, noticing an unusually large one.

“Yep! Have to write it down!” he said bossily.

He eagerly dug for the pencil and paper in his pocket.

He stood there appearing to scribble for several long moments then said, “How do you spell bird’s nest?”

“Yep, it’s gonna be a long hike,” I thought to myself.

But very soon after that there was surge of energy and we were covering more ground than usual. It was a little slushy from melted snow but it didn’t really slow us down.

There were actual stretches of silence. Nothing but nature.

At his age, moments of silence are few and far between. From sun-up to sun-down there is a seemingly endless narration accompanying his play sessions.

But there we were tromping our way through some tricky passages with very little commentary.

One motivating factor may have been the lunch Erin packed.

“I can’t wait to get to the top” Finn said breaking the silence at one point.

“To see the view?” I said.

“No. To eat!” he said.

But pretty soon it didn’t really seem to matter if we made it to the top.

There was more wildlife to document, unusual trees to climb and a little trouble choosing the perfect hiking stick.

The day seemed complete just by us being there. Maybe it was because it was the first warm break in a brutal winter. Or we might have been feeling the wake of the recent events in Parkland, Florida. Maybe it was all of the above.

Whatever it was, it was the right combination of sunshine, togetherness and semi silence.

We navigated our way up out of the forest and onto the rocky top and there was a sense of satisfaction but not so much of surprise. It was kind of like: “Of course we made it to the top. It’s that kind of day.”

We didn’t need to reach the peak. So somehow it seemed easier to get there.

Our way back down was easy and uneventful. More nature documentation. Eagles. Or were they Vultures? There was an especially crooked tree.

But nothing stood out as the highlight. The highlight was the day itself.

Because…well…it was Crag Day.

Puttin' on the Ritz

There was a Sunday morning routine that took place in my childhood household, before the whole family piled in the car and headed to church. The shining of shoes was central to it. And that was usually followed by all the boys combing our hair with Vitalis. The scent of shoe polish still takes me back. I haven’t smelled Vitalis in a long, long time.

In preparation for our trip to Erin’s sister’s wedding last weekend I was putting a little polish on my shoes before packing them. And of course Finn wanted to be a part of it.

“Oh that’s a good idea! I think I might need to shine my shoes too!” he said, running upstairs to retrieve them from under his bed.

He yelled back down to me, “And I can do it by myself. Ok Daddoo? Ok?”

We had tried shoe shining a couple of times before but he was more interested in putting his fingers in the polish and using the buffing brush as a toy than actually shining his shoes.

“And I can do it ALL BY MYSELF,” he reiterated, returning to my side with his shoes in hand.

“Ok, that’s fine,” I assured him.

I finished my own shoes and stayed close just in case.

But this time he was more focused. It was almost as if the process had been percolating in his mind.

He did try to mix the polish colors briefly but when I stopped him, he moved on.

He covered every inch of each shoe with polish. Probably three times a much as was needed but I did appreciate the thoroughness.

Waiting for the polish to dry was a little difficult but it gave him time work on his cloth wielding technique.

Soon we both agreed that the polish had dried enough (probably five minutes) and he could no longer contain his exuberance.

“This is the part I’m really good at!” he said, whipping the cloth back and forth as fast as he could while generating a machine-like sound effect with his mouth.

It’s definitely more fun to shine your shoes while you’re wearing them. If you have to do several at once, it doesn’t really make sense but if you’re doing just the one pair it’s the only way to go.

As an adult, I’ve had my shoes shined by someone else just once, in my twenties when I first moved to New York City. I was waiting for a bus. There was a shoe shine stand close by and one of the guys kept telling me he could make my shoes look real good. He was right. But I remember feeling a little uncomfortable. Almost like it was too personal.

The Finn machine had wound down.

“I think that’s good,” he said.

“What about the buffing brush?” I asked.

He looked at me with eyes widened as if I had just said, “Wanna drive the car?”

“Yes!” he said, “The buffing brush!!”

Soon the ‘machine’ had revved back up, now in buffing mode. A few minutes later he pronounced the shoes done.

On the day of the wedding, I heard someone comment on his shiny shoes.

“Did you know that they’re BUFFED?!” he said.

Later he asked me if he could have his own shoe shine box.

“Not just yet,” I said.

This is an experience we need to share for few more years.

Off Duty

The other day I was trying to get Finn’s attention.  He was sitting in a chair staring off into space. I can’t remember why it was important for me to interrupt him but nevertheless I did.

“Finn,” I said for the third or fourth time.

“I’m off duty,” he replied.

“Really?” I said. “What exactly does that mean?”

“I’m just not doing anything,” he said matter-of-factly.

I kind of wondered what being “on duty” meant for him but I didn’t inquire further.

I’m sure he was repeating what one of us might have said when we were in the middle of something and attempted to “pass the baton” so to speak.  

“Talk to Mommy. I’m off duty.”

Would I say that?

Regardless, I don’t think it’s really possible to be off duty as a parent once you become one. You never stop thinking about your child for more than a moment or two.

Even on date nights we inevitably spend half the time talking about Finn.

Summer is the season for taking time off. The rising temps and heavy humid air naturally slows you down. So it’s no wonder we want to get away for awhile.

There is an art to vacationing and it often takes as much effort as not. The expense, the supplies, the planning, the packing, unpacking, packing again. How much time one actually spends relaxing depends on so many things.

I’ve personally become more fond of spontaneous days off and evenings in the backyard when Finn and his friends are playing independently. Or little family day trips.

Recently, I’ve read about the significance of children having time off from scheduled events in the summer. The importance for them to experience boredom, so they can learn, with proper guidance, how to deal with it.

Who knew that lying in the grass staring at the clouds is actually valuable and important? Well, we all probably knew it intuitively. But for some reason, having a study to confirm it offers some sense of satisfaction.

I’ve never had a problem with being bored. If there is one thing I know how to do, it’s to contemplate. Creativity springs from contemplation. Taking the first step in a project beyond contemplation usually presents more challenges for me.

An even bigger challenge is turning off the creative brain. Giving it a rest. Not thinking about what “the next thing” should be. That, for me is the hardest part of vacationing. Putting everything on hold.

That’s where Finn is a huge help. He’s so in the moment that when we’re watching him, it’s almost impossible not to be present as well. It’s something I had noticed well before Finn came along. Children have the innate ability to be here now.

Of course there are other ways to quiet the mind. Crashing waves. A walk in the woods.

But there’s nothing that quiets the mind as well as observing a little one who’s “off duty”.